5 Steps to Make Your Kinky Fantasies a Reality
Whether you got it from porn, erotica, or a big imagination, do you have a big, kinky, sexy fantasy that you’re dying to try with your partner? How do you make it a reality? What do you say, how do you start, and do you need to buy kinky sex toys?
If you’re itching to get kinky and explore your desires and fantasies, here’s what you need to know and the steps to take to make it a reality.
Share Your Fantasies
The first, and best, way to make your kinky fantasy a reality is to tell your partner about them. You’re going to have to admit what you want if it’s ever going to happen. Your partner isn’t a mind reader. It can be scary at first to be that vulnerable and say something out loud you may never have told anyone else.
Start slowly with your partner and share what’s on your mind. Remember to listen to them in return. Because you opened up, they may feel safe sharing their own fantasies. They may also have questions. Don’t panic if they’re not on board right away. You’ve had years to think about these things, and they’ve only had a few minutes. Give them time.
Focus on Mutual Fantasies
We all want something different, and we all fantasize about different things. To have the best chance of getting your kink on, focus on what you and your partner are both interested in. Is it power and control through dominance and submission (D/s)? Are you both interested in spanking, roleplay, bondage, or something else?
It’s disheartening when you think about how your desires don’t line up. To get some of what you both want and need, focus on what you have in common. You might not get the exact fantasy in your mind (which almost never happens anyway), but you may get an experience that you enjoy and that leads to other sexy fun later.
Shop for Kinky Toys Together
Whether you’re shopping online or in an adult store, buy your kinky gear together. This gives you the opportunity to talk about what you like and what you don’t like. You can (and should) ask questions so you both understand what it is you’re buying.
Shopping together can also heighten the excitement, especially when you order online. You’ll both anticipate the arrival of your order, and you can talk about what you want to do with it when it arrives. And then there’s the moment you open up your order and get to explore your new toy together.
Talk About the Details First
Because all kink has an inherit level of potential risk to it, it’s absolutely imperative that you talk about the details before you dive in. Even something as “simple” as handcuffs and a blindfold need a conversation. What exactly do you want to do? How do you imagine it going? What will you do if something goes wrong? The surprise should be in how good it all feels or how much you enjoy it. But for this first time, there should be no surprises about what you can both expect.
Go Slowly at First
If your fantasy involves being tied up with rope, gagged, blindfolded, and tortured with sexual pleasure, good for you! But that’s not what the first time should look like. Start slow. You might find you don’t like being gagged or blindfolded. Your partner might not want to use rope but bondage tape instead.
Test the sensations as you experience them. Check in with each other and ask questions like, “Do you like this?” and “Should I keep going?” Stop if your partner asks you to stop or if they become unable to respond. Remember, you’re starting a kinky journey, not running a kinky race. Take it step by step and slowly build up to the big fantasy in your head.
Conclusion
Kinky or not, many of us have sexual fantasies we’d love to explore. When you have a partner who’s willing to go there with you, that makes things a lot easier. But communication and consent are key to having a good experience. Don’t rush into things. Build up to the big picture you have in your head. Enjoy the small moments and learning about whatever sexy, kinky thing you’re curious about. You never know what kind of pleasure you’ll find when you start to play with new sensations and explore your desires.
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