Safety Tips for Your Next Kinky Scene

Getting kinky with your partner might be a dream come true, but if you’re not careful, it can become a nightmare. BDSM and kink can be amazing experiences when done well, but they also allow people to play on the edge of danger, too. Safety precautions have to be taken to make sure everyone has a good time.

Whether you’re planning your next bondage scene or you’re ready to try some new BDSM fantasies, here are a few safety tips to keep in mind.

Talk About Things Before You Play

There’s a time for impulse and surprise, and then there’s a time for planning things out. With kink and BDSM, it’s always best to err on the side of talking about it first. Once boundaries are established and partners know each other well, you can sometimes surprise each other with kinky fun. Until then, have a quick conversation before you get your kink on.

This conversation needs to establish consent for both partners, which means you need to get detailed about what you’d like to do — and what you don’t want to do. It’s also a good time to talk about any concerns, fears, physical or emotional issues to navigate, and other not-so-sexy-but-very-important stuff. The easiest way to kill a kinky moment is to hit a trigger you didn’t know about in the middle of the action.

Practice with Your Kinky Toys First

The first time you swing a paddle or lock handcuffs shouldn’t be when you and a partner get naked together. Even the most basic bondage toys take a little getting used to. Before the sexy fun times begin, try out your kink toys first. You can do this with your partner or alone. If you’re the one topping (or in charge), you definitely need to practice. But there’s no harm in trying it out on your partner outside of a sexy moment, first, so they know what to expect.

Why does this matter? It gives you less room for error during sex. If you swing a paddle too hard, you might end the scene before it even starts. Handcuffs can pinch, and you can tie things like rope or even blindfolds too tight. Causing bad paid or cutting off circulation is never ideal. So hold your kinky toy, try it, practice with it, and you’ll feel like you have a better idea of how it works later.

Talk About How to Stop Everything

Of course, everyone involved in your BDSM fun wants it to go well and expects it to. But let’s be very real here — mistakes, weird things, and unexpected moments happen. How will the action stop when it does? If you and your partner never talk about a safeword or safe gesture, no will always mean no. But if you’re playing with something rough or dark, and “no” means yes, then you need to have this conversation.

If you’re the bottom, you need to know it’s okay to stop or slow down the action whenever you need to. And the top should also feel comfortable stopping, too. No one should be guilted into continuing if they’re not comfortable. Applying pressure so the “fun” continues violates a partner’s consent. So make a plan of how things can stop before you get naked to keep everyone safe.

Have Everything Ready

This won’t always be necessary, especially if your kinky fun doesn’t involve a lot of sex toys or BDSM gear. But to make sure your attention stays on each other, lay out everything you plan to use before you begin. This keeps you from leaving the room at a bad time or fumbling around for what you need. Consider this both a safety tip and a keep-the-mood-going tip.

But it’s also good to make sure nothing is broken, cracked, or has jagged edges so you know it doesn’t hurt your partner. If penetrative toys will be used, make sure you have plenty of lube. If you’re playing with rope bondage or bondage tape, have your scissors close by. Getting everything ready before you get naked means there are fewer safety hazards and the ones that occur can be handled quickly.

Check In While You Play

Even if you set a very specific safeword (per a previous tip), you can’t rely on it completely. If you’re the top in this BDSM scene, you should also check in periodically. Ask your partner questions like, “Can I keep going?” or “Do you like this?” You can also use the stoplight system. Red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means keep going. From time to time, ask the bottom partner for a color. That keeps their responses clear.

Sometimes people are afraid to say anything, even when you reassure them that they can and should. Sometimes subspace hits, and your partner may not be physically able to reply. If you get no response, always stop and double-check. Paying attention to feedback, body language, and other cues helps you keep your partner safe. Not doing so means you might accidentally go too far and hurt them.

Conclusion

You don’t kill the mood by keeping each other safe. But accidents, injuries, and unwanted sensations will. Before you plan your next bit of bondage and BDSM fun, think about you can keep each other safe, healthy, and happy, too. That way everyone has a good time.